Blain’s Morning Porridge Sept 1st 2025 – The art of selling cars to folk who know nothing.

“Hello John! Gotta new motor..?”

Forget the markets, forget the Fed, forget the Anti-dollar alliance – the issue of the day is what car brand best represents the aspirations of a bloke that knows nothing about cars? Should I buy something cheap, cheerful and reliable? In other words… Not a Land Rover?

September starts today. The start of autumn. I looked out the window early this morning to catch the constellation Orion rising in the Eastern Sky – then it rained. Winter is coming. I’ve always thought of the markets as seasonal – the final part of the year is a mad rush to raise capital before the holiday season. But, back in my debt capital markets days, September was not only the busiest month, but also the most dangerous. Historically, financial crises crescendo in September/October. What will it be this time? I have lots of ideas as to potential triggers….

Of course, there is lots of really, really serious stuff out there this morning to think about. What might be the button that initiates the confoundation and destabilisation of global markets? What will this month’s US employment data tell us about the US economy? (The first release of NFP since Trump shot the messenger because he didn’t like the number… just saying. Trump wants a great bigly robust employment report – which won’t support the Fed cutting rates next month! Doh!) Or maybe India, China, and Russia getting together to laugh about the US President and further plan how to run rings around him by ending dollar dominance? Or, maybe I should be writing about illiquidity risks in the European bond markets?

Sorry… all these things will have to wait.

My immediate priority is to ask help and ideas from the porridge readership: I know next to nothing about cars.

Although I can write all about the improvements in EV ranges from new battery tech, why Tesla’s autonomous self-driving systems aren’t going to win the Robotaxi war, or how China plans to flood European markets with fully-loaded, mid-tech, cheap autos, I actually know next-to-nothing about what cars are actually out there.

What I know is there are lots of car brands and fewer car companies. There are lots of different cars – but they all look pretty much the same to my untrained eye. A good car marketing team has the job of selling a largely generic and commoditised product toconsumers who consider themselves sophisticated. The “art of the brand” is convincing potential customers they are the people who should aspire to this or that particular car as it fits their values or whateva…. The reality is I have no idea what one kind of suspension or gizmo does or how it makes driving better, but I will nod my head appreciatively as the salesmen doesn’t explain it to me.

My lack of knowledge about what these cars are, or their practically, or what they are like to drive, surprised me. I’ve never really thought about the sheer range and scope of the market . Car makers seek to design cars to meet the requirements and desires of the motoring public, at a cost where they optimise their profits. Meaning cars are exercises in satisficing. Consumers should be asking all about issues such as their reliability, and the costs and penalties that come with them, as much as they are about besotted by the brand.

What happens when consumers wake up, and realise they’ve been drinking a Nespresso when better really good other coffees might also be available?

I am dimly aware next week sees Europe’s largest motor show in Munich. Apparently, it’s going to be new German electric models vs an invasion of new Chinese competitors. I don’t have a breeze about any of them. BMWs and Mercs? Yawn. That’s because I’ve only ever really been keen on Land Rovers. Aside from a childish flirtation with a Golf GTI 16v and my divorce-crisis Aston, it’s always been Land Rovers for me. Yep, that best respresents me; the open-road in a British off-road classic, able to handle, drag or carry anything. Of course, less than 1% of Land Rovers have ever been properly off-road.  But Land Rover was the brand I identified with.

I am waking up to the reality I am a reforming Land Rover addict. Initially it started with a drive in a proper beat-up Mark 2. I told myself I could handle it as I paid out for it. But later it was a couple of Discoveries as I tumbled into the financial spiral of a new car every three years. I was hooked. Overcome by the fug of Land Rover ownership I fell into the comfortable delights of a succession of Range Rovers for the last three decades. I was properly caught. I knew nothing else….

Then I bought the top of the range Westminster in 2012 and it was brilliant – fast, steady and still big enough to put all the stuff for boats, kids, holiday into. I bought it out-right – weaning myself off the debt cycle. But then the costs started to catch up. In 2020 the engine blew up – but the car was so good I replaced the broken bits. I test drove newer models but reckoned my one was better; the “avionics” were effectively the same, and none of the new ones had the same poke. Experienced salesman agreed with me. It was a keeper.

On Wednesday my Range Rover died.

It suffered a “sudden combustion-cardiac” event in the middle lane of the M27. After being rescued from Britain’s stupidest “smart” motorway, I got the AA to deposit it at my mate’s workshop – a specialised Land Rover engineer. The next morning he did the inspection which turned into autotopsy (see what I did there?). It was a seized engine, flooded with diesel from a leaking injector. Unusual. Shouldn’t happen. The engine was five years old. “Out of warranty” was the Land Rover dealer response. Will cost more to fix than the car is worth.

Range Rover immediately tried to sell me a new car. They dangled the delights of a 2- year warranty on a new car. Wow. You expect me to spend six digits on a new vehicle that might last 2-years and a day? Maybe not. I now realise Land Rovers are built to a price – a price much, much lower than they sell to us. That’s why they have a growing brand problem.

I made some calls. None of my mates are happy with their recent Land Rovers. The autopress are beholden to Land Rover advertising, but admit they keep breaking down. However, I looked at the new Defender. Liked it. But then another chum – who knows about this stuff – told me no, unless I planned to sell it within the warranty window. He told me to look at the 10-year Lexus warranty, or the seven-years Kia put on the massively popular Sportage model.

What kind of heresy is this? Not drive a Land Rover? Surely the gods will strike me down? What would people think if I drive into the Yacht Club in anything but a Rangey? What would it say about my character? (Yacht clubs are funny places; show up in Bentley, Roller or flash foreign sportscar, and be dismissed as a mere power-boater. Properly flash yachtsman drive beautifully polished original Defenders, restored with a Twisted badge on the bonnet. Posers. Proper sailors, like me, know an unkempt 13 year-old Rangey does everything the massively uncomfortable Defender does – but better.)

I started making some calls round other brands. Funnily enough, everyone wants to sell me a car. Salesmen conspiratorially told me they can do deals. At this time of year, (new 2026 UK licence plates from tomorrow), dealers are keen to shift pre-registered stock and promise massive discounts if I’ll buy it now. (I know that actually means they want to sell-off the cars nobody else wants…) The guy at Land Rover offered me a massive discount on an Evoque (which I had always assumed was specifically designed for the hair-dresser market) or something called a Velar – which I’d never heard of.

What should I buy instead? This is where I need help.

I don’t need a Range Rover. Most of my driving is from house to railway station, a monthly trip to North Wales to see the olds (often cross-country on B-roads because of roadworks), and the possibility of a blast to the Alps in ski-season (I usually end up flying). There are no kids to ferried around schools or universities any more, and less boat kit as we now cruise rather than race. It needs a bit of poke for the A34 and Motorways. But I do like to listen to the radio and podcasts while driving. It needs enough space for our gear, and the dog – who has much more gear. I like driving.

I am thinking a Hybrid Plug-In of some kind.

At the moment I am rediscovering the joys of a proper car, my wife’s Fait 500. To be fair, the clutch is taking a bit of a battering as I try to recall what the gears do… but although it’s got the poke of a blunted rubber, (and struggles to get up Hamble’s one short-length of uphill), it’s fun and a delight to drive.

Any suggestions on a new vehicle appreciated….

Bill Blain

CEO – Windshift Capital

Author – The Morning Porridge

Partner – Shard Capital