Blain’s Morning Porridge – July 12th 2022: How the BBC is destroying the UK – Wimbledon and Glastonbury!
“ It was old and it was beautiful, but probably needs a wash.”
This morning: Shock new data unveils the BBC’s plans to destroy the UK economy through Wimbledon and Glastonbury overkill. Maybe we should just cancel June and July?
This is a shocking undeniable truth: Wimbledon has succeeded where the pandemic failed in largely destroying the UK economy.
Productivity levels have crashed over the last two weeks as the whole country gave up the illusion of working from home and watched Tennis instead. Apparently, the BBC iPlayer has streamed Wimbledon matches over 54 million times – the previous Record was a mere 30 million.
Taken in conjunction with the Level 4 Hot Weather emergency event this coming weekend -when UK temperatures could reach record levels – it’s clear we need a proper English Summer of incessant rain and storms to restore the economy. July/August in Blighty would reliably keep us cold, damp, hungry and keen to go back to work. Wimbledon was usually rushed into a couple of less rainy days…. The economy would boom on sales of Cagoules, Umbrellas, Wellington Boots and Bovril. Happier times.
Global Warming will destroy the economy before boiling us alive – and its probably the BBC’s fault!
Now, even the “fit and healthy” are likely to expire in the crushing heat of a moderately warm English Summer Day – according to Government warnings. Global sunscreen firms are rejoicing. You can’t pick up kids any more; they are so slathered in sun-slime they simply slip through your fingers. Beats me how any of my generation survived after the regular 90% first-degree sunburn we suffered on the odd occasion the sun came out in the 1970s.
I am actually wondering if we should just cancel June here in the UK?
The first part of the month was a write-off for Jubilee purposes. Then it’s a whole week of Glastonbury, before the country was effectively closed for two weeks of whack-a-ball Wimbledon. And we also have the daily comedy show that is the Conservative Party… no wonder no work is being done. The common denominator is the utterly woke BBC finding something to do.
The BBC showing Tennis 24/7, to the exclusion of all other programming, for the last two weeks has a devasting real economic impact. It’s also destroyed the fragile balance of my mind by raising all kinds of anxiety issues when my dose of BBC News Pap wasn’t delivered at exactly the right time for my day to work properly.
But let’s focus on Tennis for a moment. We’ve just had two weeks of nonstop BBC tennis, bolshy Australians, strawberries and Pimms, and a Russian winning – you’d think it was the very definition of the UK summer.
Tennis comes well down the list of participant sports in the UK. It’s not even a top 10 sport. Less than 5% of the population have ever picked up a Tennis Bat. In terms of numbers of normal folk playing its beaten hands down by Fishing, Sailing, Golf, Hill-Walking, Swimming, Golf, Football, Rugby, Hockey, Cricket, Athletics, Gymnastics, and even Darts. Yet we all have to pretend we give a flying …..
Tennis only contributions to life in England are:
- An excuse to go to war with France,
- The lyrics for “Patricia the Stripper”
Outside the posh and swanky London suburbs, Tennis is about as English as Sushi.
Tennis is objectively middle class. (The BBC will counter that by showing some film of lovely refugee children beating Andy Murray and Sue Baker to prove how diverse it isn’t.) Tennis’ main purpose is establishing one’s social status and position. Being able to swing a tennis club is a social skills that will open upper-middle-class doors. As this is the class the BBC Commissars and Management are exclusively recruited from, it’s no wonder the PLU (people like us) BBC management strata worships Tennis and also the almost exclusively white middle class event that is the Glastonbury music festival.
(I am told the really hot VIP exclusive ticket for Wimbledon and Glasto is for the exclusive BBC Kommissariat Hospitality Suite where senior BBC executives out of WC1 feast on peeled grapes, artisan blue cheese, and the best English sparkling wines while boasting to each other how Georgina and Tarquin’s forehands are improving…)
Basically, the BBC show Tennis 24 hours a day because their management lack the experience of the other sports the rest of the country actually likes, and lack the imagination to understand how tennis fails every demographic, gender, and ethnicity test imaginable and makes them as woke as Jezzer Clarkson.
Meanwhile, some smart Tory politician (if there is such a thing) should be asking how the BBC monetises these 50 million Tennis Hits to pay for the cost of cancelling the BBC licence fee!
Rant over about tennis… Let’s discuss UK politics instead…
As far as I can make out… all of the 40 or so Tory MPs you’ve never previously bothered about, or even heard of – each now declaring themselves our national saviour – is proposing tax rises. Curious.. just a few weeks ago they all voted for higher taxes. You’d think this was a popularity contest..
Yet, admid the multiple campaign launches, finally, a Tory candidate we can all support has emerged: Sir Evelyn Buffton-Tyfton, the MP for Little Snoring, declared himself a contender yesterday. His manifesto is just as economically illiterate as the rest, calling for an austerity package of wage restraints, higher VAT, corporate tax cuts, slashing the welfare state, privatising defence and national service on HS2 for kids that don’t get into private schools. Petty Patel likes it and has apparently offered him a deal to become her chancellor.
Buffton-Tyfton has a streak of pragmatic and rare common sense. His key platform is for the Tories to call a snap election with the intention of losing. That will give them 5 years to rebuild, purge the party of non-believers and people who didn’t go to Eton or similar. Meanwhil, they will immediately blame failure and the recession on Sir Kier Starmer, whose party’s non-presence in government these past 12 years is clearly the real cause of the current economic malaise. Buffton-Tyfton is a deep-thinking realist, so a surprise he’s still in the party.
Listening to all the political nonsense being spouted by candidates and the utterly dismal (and frankly embarrassing) videos… Its impressive just how awful they are.
In 2019 the Tories achieved the biggest majority since Thatcher. And now they have dissolved into a party determined to embrace “electoral oblivion”, according to Sajid Javid. If I was a Tory he’d get my vote, but I’m not. Its currently a choice between slitting my own-throat or taking a hat-full or mind-altering pharmaceuticals in order to vote Liberal Democrat. (Labour isn’t really a choice in my part of the country.)
Mr Sunak, who started his stealth campaign for office some 8 months ago is now proposing a reversal of the tax rises he oversaw. Jezzer Hunt isn’t a details man – he is going to cut all taxes. Tank Girl is going to be conservative and cut taxes – we love originality. Grant Shapps has already fallen – hoping Rishi will give him a job. Kimi Badenoch is getting the properly Woke vote – even though she makes Atilla look kinda moderate. Penny Mordant is going to give every parent a free tank of petrol to take the kids to school. Rees-Mogg (if he stands) will offer them hay for their horses.
As for the rest. Why don’t we just pick one at random on the following basis:
- Are they photogenic? That clears the field a bit…
- Did they go to Eton? Get to the back of the queue Rees-Mogg.
- Did they become exceedingly wealthy (either through marriage or “don’t ask”) and are only ‘doing’ politics because they want to give “opportunities” to everyone? Bye-bye Rishi and Zahawi.
- Can they define a woman? Penny Mordaunt one step forward. Also Kemi Badenoch who has her finger on the pulse of the gender neutral toilet debate.
- Do they know what a Gilt is? Saj does.
- Do they agree Petty Patel might just be a blood sucking vampire? All of them (even Petty.)
- Etc, etc…
Normal service will resume tomorrow. I admit this morning’s porridge was largely written on a very boring conference call…
Five things to read this morning
FT – Wall Street Recession Fears Stoked by Patchy US Economic Data
BBerg – OPEC’s First 2023 Outlook Shows No Relief for Oil Market Squeeze
WSJ – Hopes of Covid Reprieve Fade
Reuters – Nomura expects Fed, ECB, BoE rate cuts next year
Zerohedge – Euro Tumbles to Dollar Parity for First Time Since 2002
Out of time, very late.. time for lunch
Strategist – Shard Capital
Bill… I am sorry but if this Sentence is not a joke… you are going to have your take the piss out of the US card revoked…. I mean…. It’s a joke right? RIGHT!!! Haha
“ Sir Evelyn Buffton-Tyfton, the MP for Little Snoring”
Look him up on the parlimentary website, Wiki, or possibly….. Private Eye (the best business/political periodical in the UK).
Sir Bufton Tufton.. what a guy…
Ok ok i fell for it. You did dead pan that pretty well! Looks like I need to polish up my obscure British political wonk-erisms
The good gentleman’s sons and daughters no doubt emigrated to America and stood for office in various red states or were appointed to Cabinet positions in the Trump administration. They are now in high demand to testify before the 6 January Inquisition.
Sir Bufton Tufton is the Conservative MP for somewhere-or-other, and during the Thatcher government sat on the back benches. The name was inspired by that of a real-life Tory backbencher, Sir Tufton Beamish, who sat for Lewes 1945–1974, but the character was modelled on MPs who were well to the right of Beamish. Sir Bufton’s constituency was usually the fictitious safe rural seat of “Lymeswold” (named from a commercially produced cheese), and although this was subject to topical change, his greediness, laziness, bigotry and incompetence remained constant. A file photo was frequently used, which turned out to be a picture of a real-life Conservative councillor, which eventually drew a good-natured complaint letter from the innocent victim.
“ Sir Evelyn Buffton-Tyfton, the MP for Little Snoring”… somewhere Evelyn Waugh is smiling.
What is it with the BBC these days? They have to go overboard on *everything*. The Breakfast programme is the worst: first they’ll show some video of something or someone, then they’ll repeat it, then they’ll repeat it again but in slow motion this time.. They seem to want to establish *ownership* of certain events and even people. I hear that poor old late Major Tom was, at one point, sending relatives out to check that Dan Walker wasn’t hiding in the shrubbery with a camera crew before getting up in the morning.
Although, on the plus side, their insanely extensive coverage of Glasto enabled me to discover Sigrid. Check out the long version of her spot via i-player here https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p0c80l1z. Although her idea of styling appears to be a spangly top, 501s and a new pair of trainers she delivers a stonking set fuelled by the pure joy of performance. Not exactly hit with the ugly stick either.
Replying from a boring commute on a train somewhere close to Waterloo..
Just a couple of quick thoughts:
Kids in sun cream are a good thing- skin cancer rates prove it and I can speak from personal experience that people who didn’t put it on in the 70s are now seeing higher risks of this scary diagnosis. Otherwise I fully agree with you- the media drama around the heat wave is ridiculous and should focus on the science and data, rather than the emotions of random people on the street.
More generally, I am looking for a good alternative to BBC news – this morning they had a piece on a guy who was as worried about his trip to Greece as he couldn’t find anyone to look after his dogs. News? Definitely not… any tips on better providers highly appreciated!
Have a productive day and thank you for your Morning Porridge!
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